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EXPRESSING THE INEXPRESSIBLE

10/2/2015

We were each given a card with a card with a photograph of Oliver on it, taken on one of his expeditions to Alaska as a cameraman for National Geographic. His head and shoulders were covered in a frosting of snow, his face and mouth swaddled in hood and scarf. Though his eyelashes were spiky with ice crystals, his gaze was direct, young and intelligent.
There might also have been the hint of a smile in his eyes.

Unfortunately, a recent change in my contract Fairfax Media means I can no longer post my Grey Urbanist columns on this blog until 3 months after their publication in the Nelson Mail.

However, you can read the rest of this column here on the Nelson Mail website.

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Dogged Winter Experimentation

2/2/2015

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This winter Pete, my fox terrier, has been conducting a series of terrifying experiments in thermodynamics. He’s been testing, for example, how close to a fan heater it is possible to sleep - without melting his eyeballs.

He’s also tested how close he can position his doggy backside to the open fire without his rump bursting into flames. The answer in both cases is very, very close: in spite of his rigorous testing regime Pete still has unimpaired sight and no visible scorching.

Surviving these risky experiments has made Pete a huge fan of the scientific method. So much so, that his latest experiment involves not just thermodynamics, but gravity as well. As soon as the sun hits the couch, he arranges himself along its back and adopts the lateral snooze position – front and hind legs extended in opposite directions, head on paws, eyes closed. He then lowers himself deeper and deeper into sleep, relaxes to the point of utter catastrophe and ... this is the point of the experiment ... wakes himself a fraction of second before he topples from his perch.

His other experiments seem rather tame by comparison. In one of these more pedestrian experiments he’s been testing how speedily the canine bladder can be emptied when the lawn is white with frost and a dog is bare of foot.

Another tests the length of time he can skulk outside in the winter, when my syrupy blandishments make it patently clear that I’m calling him in for a bath. In the summer he can elude capture indefinitely. In the winter he’d rather submit to water and shampoo than frozen paws.

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EXPRESSING THE INEXPRESSIBLE

Dogged Winter Experimentation

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EXPRESSING THE INEXPRESSIBLE

Dogged Winter Experimentation

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