At the Election Cafe on Saturday night, Head Chef John Key, aided by his sous chefs Judith, Cameron and Jason amongst others, served the country a plate of dirty politics fried in whale oil. This poisonous concoction, served on filthy plates covered in greasy fingerprints should have been one of the least appealing choices on the menu but we lapped it up. We should have seen red. But no, we turned around and handed New Zealand to the National Party on a silver platter. It’s no use crying over spilt milk, but on Saturday night I felt like crying. If I hadn’t been into my third week of eating a diet heavy on saturated fats and light on carbohydrates I might have felt much, much worse. 

As it was, there was only some sautéed pork belly and vegetables standing between me and the likely onset of a persistent depressive episode. More about the pork belly later, but first a bit of context. 

This week I am going to be digging my grave with my teeth. 

Or, just possibly, I am going to be eating food which will miraculously improve my health by reducing inflammation, stabilising my blood sugar levels, improving my mood and sleep, and give me better teeth and clearer skin into the bargain. 

Yes folks, I am joining the Clan of the Cave Person and eating a (liberal) version of the Paleo Diet, known in some circles as a low carb/high protein diet. This will involve eating large amounts of saturated fats (including butter, cream and cheese), meat, fish, leafy greens and a few nuts and seeds. I am turning my back on the poly-unsaturated fats, fruits and whole-grains so beloved of the New Zealand Heart Foundation. 

In a nutshell, the Paleo diet is restricted to the types of food eaten by hunter-gatherers of the Palaeolithic area. The advocates of the diet do not suggest that we abandon the supermarket for the savannah, but they do suggest that modern man and woman would be healthier eating only the foods which our distant forebears gathered and hunted: meat, nuts and berries.  They argue that as soon as our cave-dwelling ancestors began growing and consuming grains their health deteriorated. Humans got shorter and had more tooth decay.