1. There’s no such thing as getting away from it all. 
”All” is what makes life easy and keeps you warm, dry and well-nourished. “All” is what makes a decent cup of coffee, retards the decay of foodstuffs and keeps your belongings stored in some kind of order. “All” is also what keeps you fresh-smelling, entertained and in communication with the folks back home. It’s not until you begin packing that you realise how much “all” there is to get away from, and how much “all” you must take with you to ensure your comfort in every eventuality: flood, drought, heat wave or cold snap.


2. Do Not Adjust Your Set
You should expect the disruption or suspension of all normal laws of physics on the day of your departure. Time stands still and the force of gravity increases. These changes are so powerful that you despair of ever achieving escape velocity. Objective indicators of an altered time/space continuum include endless rewriting of packing lists and five trips to the supermarket for last-minute essentials. 

This morning the back yard is moody and sullen and so am I. 

A dense grey mist presses itself against the windows, attempting to insinuate itself into my little flat. The washing I hung out days ago is still on the line drooping and disconsolate. What passes for a lawn is almost as high as an elephant’s eye. It’s certainly higher than a Fox Terrier’s eye. 

The dog, who hates wet weather as much as I do, has made just one expedition outside, driven by an irresistibly full bladder. The long grass closed over his head immediately and the only evidence of his passage across the yard was the twitching of green stems in his wake.